Mary Byrnes on FASD, Motherhood & "Everything Clicks"
Mary Byrnes — Author of “Everything Clicks” and Founder & Executive Director of Harrison’s Hope
Mary Byrnes is the author of Everything Clicks: A Story of FASD, Motherhood, and the Life I Didn't Know I Was Living and the Founder and Executive Director of Harrison's Hope, a Canadian charity supporting people with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). Her central message is that people with FASD need the same compassion and empathy that society readily offers people living with Alzheimer's, because behaviour is often a communication of an unmet need rather than a reflection of the person.
Mary and her husband adopted their son as a newborn. Even with Mary's background in special education, the road was bumpy, and the family received several misdiagnoses before landing on the correct one: fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.
Her drive to learn how to support him turned into something larger. Byrnes describes it as a fire that went beyond supporting her own child to helping other caregivers have better days. Along the way, she discovered she enjoyed speaking publicly, and she began putting pieces together about herself. That path led her to create Harrison's Hope.
The title reflects a series of what Byrnes calls aha moments. While taking online coaching sessions and watching pre-recorded materials about FASD, she found that the coaches' examples landed with her more deeply than they seemed to for some fellow caregivers on the calls, who were still scratching their heads.
She recognised the hyper-fixation and difficulty breaking away from things that she saw in her son. She also noticed that she herself has a thin upper lip and a flat philtrum, even though facial features are present in only about 9% of the population with FASD. Those moments, together with conversations with her mother in her 90s, led her to suspect her own FASD before being diagnosed. Her advice: if you are onto something, trust your gut and follow it.
Byrnes chose to be an open book. She sees stigma as a heavy burden on people living with FASD and on the caregivers who love them, and believes talking about taboo topics is how that changes. She is candid that this is the most complex caregiving a person can do, but says that with the right supports and accommodations families do not just survive, they thrive.
She hopes the book is the first of many, and that it conveys a belief in a positive future for other families living with FASD.
Byrnes describes society as a world of round holes, where people with FASD are square pegs who do not fit at school, at work or in many social circles.
She asks listeners to apply the lens they already use for Alzheimer's. If a beloved church member with Alzheimer's swears loudly, the community responds with understanding because it knows the cause is an illness, not a choice. Byrnes wishes the same empathy and compassion were extended to anyone with a neurodiverse disability, including FASD, once people are educated with correct information.
Byrnes hopes readers, whether parents, professionals, or simply curious, come away willing to meet people where they are. Her closing advice is simple: be inquisitive, be kind, connect, and be willing to include.
According to the Government of Canada, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder describes the impacts on the brain and body of someone exposed to alcohol in the womb, and it is a lifelong disability but preventable with the right services and supports. Everyone with FASD is unique and has areas of both strengths and challenges. Prevalence is hard to pin down: the number of people with the disorder is unknown because it is difficult to diagnose and often goes undetected. Some estimates put it higher, with current studies suggesting up to 4% of individuals in Canada are living with FASD.
Harrison's Hope describes itself as a registered Canadian charity supporting families and children living with FASD through education, mentorship, and community programs. Its stated approach is a continuum of services that starts with prevention education and extends to senior care. Readers can learn more and find Byrnes's book at HarrisonsHope.ca.
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